Why oh why do people want to be in relationships? The pain I'm seeing some of my friends go through now over relationships ending is so bad that no benefit can possibly be worth the anguish.
Oh! that reminds me of one of the readers give the advice letters, by the wife of the guy who isn't going to see his dying mom because he's dealt with their past and seeing her again is not good for his mental health.
I think that the key thing with the family pain is pretty selfish. I guess the dude in the letter has dealt with everything and won't feel bad about not saying good bye to his mom, but many other people will feel bad and will beat themselves up about it and the mom will be dead and there will be NOTHING they can do about it. Basically, I think people should work at their family relationships for their own personal sanity (and, I will admit, to a lesser extent because they should be appreciative that their family is still alive).
Can you feel bad about a bad ending with a friend or non relative? Sure, of course. But while you will never replace that individual person in your life, you will replace the "friend" slot in your life, but not so with close family.
And in general, why? A. cause relationships happen and unless you make a conscious effort to avoid them you'll probably fall into some throughout your life. B. cause life sucks. I hate the weighing the good and the bad crap and the finding good in the bad and the you need the bad to come with the good and blah blah. It just sucks. It does hurt. Relationships literally kill some people. So does walking across the street, and I still do that. Of course it's fun and at times, useful, to read into and analyze the why and what for, but it mostly just is.
It mostly just is, and I think there can be some comfort in that. But (and this plays into a motif from Gene's babies-in-cars article) a lot of people can't handle the randomness, and need to see some huge emotional dialectic in the world for them to accept bad stuff. It just makes the highs higher! Hey, buddy, if that works for you...
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Re: relationship pain
I think that the key thing with the family pain is pretty selfish. I guess the dude in the letter has dealt with everything and won't feel bad about not saying good bye to his mom, but many other people will feel bad and will beat themselves up about it and the mom will be dead and there will be NOTHING they can do about it. Basically, I think people should work at their family relationships for their own personal sanity (and, I will admit, to a lesser extent because they should be appreciative that their family is still alive).
Can you feel bad about a bad ending with a friend or non relative? Sure, of course. But while you will never replace that individual person in your life, you will replace the "friend" slot in your life, but not so with close family.
And in general, why? A. cause relationships happen and unless you make a conscious effort to avoid them you'll probably fall into some throughout your life. B. cause life sucks. I hate the weighing the good and the bad crap and the finding good in the bad and the you need the bad to come with the good and blah blah. It just sucks. It does hurt. Relationships literally kill some people. So does walking across the street, and I still do that. Of course it's fun and at times, useful, to read into and analyze the why and what for, but it mostly just is.
Re: relationship pain