Why I don't drink, version #387629871

[desh]

Articulated this in IM just now better than I have anywhere in awhile, so I decided to post here. Comments/criticisms welcome, if you're so inclined.

gutwoman: can i ask a question, and you dont have to give an answer if you dont have one
desh: sure
gutwoman: do you have specific reasons for not drinking alcohol/being uncomfortable around it? and do you drink at all
desh: I'll answer, but hang on a bit
gutwoman: k
desh: So there are a few reasons, and which one is the most important changes often.
desh: Plus, there are probably some I haven't thought of yet.
gutwoman: ok..
desh: One resaon is that I have an addictive personality. My love for gambling is evidence of that. Avoiding something addicting is probably a good risk management decision on my part.
gutwoman: yeah
desh: Another reason is that I rather like who I am. I don't feel the need to try anything mood-altering. Even minorly: I even avoid caffeinated drinks most of the time.
gutwoman: although i kinda find that substance addiction is somewhat separate just based on my own experience
desh: it might be
desh: that might not be a problem for me at all, in reality.
desh: but I think I'd rather not know.
desh: Another reason is kind of a negative one, and more addresses "why don't you get drunk" than "why don't you drink at all". But I don't have any of the reasons to get drunk that most people do. I don't have anything I want to escape. I don't enjoy the sorts of parties that people get really drunk at. I don't like bars.
gutwoman: well i dont think most people would enjoy those parties as much if it wasn't for the alcohol...
desh: And I guess the last reason is that I like my friends more when they're sober. I can't stand drunk people, for the most part. But even when someone's had one or two drinks, fine, I might not be able to notice, and usually it doesn't bother me much. But it also means that they're less likely to want to do the things that I usually enjoy doing at get-togethers, like playing board games and card games.
desh: And no, I don't drink at all, except for religious reasons, and only then if there's no grape juice around, and even then I only take a sip.
gutwoman: interesting
desh: A lot of my reasons are probably silly, especially for a 25 year old. Like, my freshman year, my friend went from also not drinking and also hating drunks, in two months, to asking me if I'm a recovering alcoholic or something for never going out and having fun.
desh: I hate when people change so dramatically like that, because it's rarely good. That incident probably cemented my decision to never drink in college.

EDIT: It's kind of fun to compare this to the same discussion when I had it three years ago.

Comments

[ruthonfire.livejournal.com]

You can say

"if it were up to me, I prefer most of my friends mostly unaltered most of the time",

or you can say,

"And when have I ever said anything judgmental? (Okay, in the past four years.) Seriously, can you give me one example? I'm not judging anyone! I wish you would stop being so defensive, stop reading into what I'm saying, and start treating me based on how I act, not based on how you expect someone who doesn't drink to act."

but to say both seems contradictory, because even if you never verbally express your judgement, it's not far from the surface, eh? ... or so it seems to me. Your reasons for not wanting to drink are in large part based on your dislike of other people, drunk, which makes it hard to assert that you're not judging.

Almost everyone of our age and social background thinks drinking is fun; most people can drink not infrequently without developing a problem. And that doesn't mean they only ever have one or two, either. As for disliking drunk people and not enjoying drinking, do you really think you've had enough experience to know that? I'm not saying you have to take up the habit; do what you want, but realize there are social implications inherent to your choices and attitudes.

[desh]

I enjoy my friends more when they're not drunk, but I'm still not judging them when they are. Same thing goes if they're in a bad mood, or if they, I don't know, just had a root canal and talk really weird. Dislike doesn't imply judgment. Seriously. I'll say it again: "When I tell you that two drinks per event is fine and moderate and normal and healthy and doesn't bother me (and if it does bother me then it's my problem and not yours), I actually mean it." And so on.

I have no standing to tell anyone not to drink (unless they're endangering their well being, which is something I rarely encounter). I know this. And in fact, I wouldn't want to, because I know that they're likely drinking because they enjoy it, and what they do should depend more on what they like than what I like.

I see why this looks like a contradiction, but please see that it's not.

And if someone's drinking more than I want them to, I either remove myself from the situation or I don't, depending on how I'm feeling. But unless they're endangering their health or otherwise doing something stupid, I won't say anything, because again, this is about me, not them.

Though " As for disliking drunk people and not enjoying drinking, do you really think you've had enough experience to know that?" Yes. I've been around enough drunk people to feel comfortable making the generalizations about them that I've made so far (subject to the usual caveats about generalizations, such as applying them to individual situations at your own risk). And I don't need to try getting drunk to know that I don't want to get drunk, for all the reasons outlined in my original post.

[ruthonfire.livejournal.com]

"I like my friends more when they're sober. I can't stand drunk people, for the most part."

'Can't stand' is pretty unequivocal. For the record, the one-two drink vs the ominous 'more' distinction also has a judgmental tone. Two is fun, four is more fun! For us.