Why I don't drink, version #387629871

[desh]

Articulated this in IM just now better than I have anywhere in awhile, so I decided to post here. Comments/criticisms welcome, if you're so inclined.

gutwoman: can i ask a question, and you dont have to give an answer if you dont have one
desh: sure
gutwoman: do you have specific reasons for not drinking alcohol/being uncomfortable around it? and do you drink at all
desh: I'll answer, but hang on a bit
gutwoman: k
desh: So there are a few reasons, and which one is the most important changes often.
desh: Plus, there are probably some I haven't thought of yet.
gutwoman: ok..
desh: One resaon is that I have an addictive personality. My love for gambling is evidence of that. Avoiding something addicting is probably a good risk management decision on my part.
gutwoman: yeah
desh: Another reason is that I rather like who I am. I don't feel the need to try anything mood-altering. Even minorly: I even avoid caffeinated drinks most of the time.
gutwoman: although i kinda find that substance addiction is somewhat separate just based on my own experience
desh: it might be
desh: that might not be a problem for me at all, in reality.
desh: but I think I'd rather not know.
desh: Another reason is kind of a negative one, and more addresses "why don't you get drunk" than "why don't you drink at all". But I don't have any of the reasons to get drunk that most people do. I don't have anything I want to escape. I don't enjoy the sorts of parties that people get really drunk at. I don't like bars.
gutwoman: well i dont think most people would enjoy those parties as much if it wasn't for the alcohol...
desh: And I guess the last reason is that I like my friends more when they're sober. I can't stand drunk people, for the most part. But even when someone's had one or two drinks, fine, I might not be able to notice, and usually it doesn't bother me much. But it also means that they're less likely to want to do the things that I usually enjoy doing at get-togethers, like playing board games and card games.
desh: And no, I don't drink at all, except for religious reasons, and only then if there's no grape juice around, and even then I only take a sip.
gutwoman: interesting
desh: A lot of my reasons are probably silly, especially for a 25 year old. Like, my freshman year, my friend went from also not drinking and also hating drunks, in two months, to asking me if I'm a recovering alcoholic or something for never going out and having fun.
desh: I hate when people change so dramatically like that, because it's rarely good. That incident probably cemented my decision to never drink in college.

EDIT: It's kind of fun to compare this to the same discussion when I had it three years ago.

Comments

[jox.livejournal.com]

So...you don't like bars, and you don't like your friends when they're drunk. Can you see now maybe why you're not the best person to invite to shindigs with drinking involved? sorry if this is insulting to you, but just try to see it from the perspective of someone who drinks and likes to drink, and occasionally likes to get drunk, and doesn't like to be judged.

[desh]

I'd rather see my friends sober than drunk, but I'd (usually) rather see my friends drunk than not at all.

And when do I ever act like that? I'm just sharing my thoughts here, and the personal actions and decisions that result from them. I haven't even addressed my actions in the sense of relating to other people in situations like that. Seriously, have I ever met up with you at a bar or party, and rolled my eyes when you get another drink? Or anything like that?

And when have I ever said anything judgmental? (Okay, in the past four years.) Seriously, can you give me one example? I'm not judging anyone! I wish you would stop being so defensive, stop reading into what I'm saying, and start treating me based on how I act, not based on how you expect someone who doesn't drink to act.

[dredpiraterober.livejournal.com]

I don't mean to offend anyone, but I always feel like you are judging me when you are there and we are drinking.
While you may not actually be doing it, it always feels like you are. Interpert that however you like.

[desh]

Well, I'm not. So next time you feel that way, if it's caused by something I'm saying or doing, please point it out to me. And if it's not, then please try to realize that it's just in your head and not how I actually feel.

Logic puzzles and the smart/dumb relativity theory

[bumonyou.livejournal.com]

I had a long and thought out argument as to why Dov was right--or at least why i feel similarly--and then it just crumbled under the weight of its own stupendous awesomeness. So here goes:

When people drink, they affect the chemical processes of their bodies in a number of interesting ways. Taken together, and for the purposes of this post, let us group those chemical interactions together as "getting stupid." When we drink we get dumber, not smarter. When you don't drink you don't get any dumber, or any smarter. But from where we are sitting, you are getting smarter. And whenever anyone gets that much smarter than anyone else in that short a period of time, I think it can't be helped that we think that you're judging us--the calm cool observer watching his friends descend into blithering loss-of-fine-motor-coordination enjoyment. And then posting about it later.

I dont know. I mean, it's always felt that way to some extent--there will always be some tension when there is ONE PERSON WHO ISN'T DOING SOMETHING EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING--but it never bothers me. Or thought any less of you for it.

Re: Logic puzzles and the smart/dumb relativity theory

[desh]

Thank you.

Re: Logic puzzles and the smart/dumb relativity theory

[sucellus.livejournal.com]

I can't say that I have ever felt "judged" in your presence. You just always seem really REALLY uncomfortable, and that usually makes me uncomfortable. I simultaneously try and figure out how to make you have fun and not care because its not my job. Then my brian explodes.

Re: Logic puzzles and the smart/dumb relativity theory

[desh]

Interesting. I've always had the problem of not looking like I'm enjoying myself even when I am. So yes, stop caring, it's not your job! I'm probably having more fun than you'd guess. And besides, we wouldn't want Brian to explode again.

[ladykat81.livejournal.com]

I wanted to add my 2 cents, since I've seen Desh at a number of parties. Perhaps in college he may have been a bit uncomfortable, but at the couple of parties I threw since then, I don't remember feeling judged by him. I just remember him politely declining any alcohol. And when I had a small New Year's gathering one year, I just made sure that there was sparkling cider on hand, and all was well.

However, he does get a little uncomfortable when people try to convince him to have some alcohol. But who doesn't find that kind of pressure off-putting?

[desh]

Thanks for the defense. Though for the record, I don't know of anyone in these comments who's tried to pressure me into having alcohol recently. (Well, maybe in a conversation like this one, but not in an actual drinking setting.)