![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
When I was younger, I always seemed mature for my age. I tended to appreciate the wisdom of my elders, and I was never the sort of person who needed to make mistakes for himself first to learn from them. In fact, I was never much of a risk-taker at all. Granted, there are a bunch of drawbacks to this sort of personality, but isn't one upside that I don't regret my past? Or, even more to the point, that I don't feel like I've changed that much over the years, and don't feel that that's a bad thing? I mean, yes, I can see changes in my personality, and I'm proud of them, but in general I think I'm mostly the same person I was years ago. And I was proud of that person (more or less) then, and I'm still proud of that person now.
Similarly, I always prided myself on making friends with mature, wholesome people. Not necessarily mature in the same risk-free way that I was/am, but just intelligent and thoughtful. Therefore, isn't it understandable and inoffensive that I'm bothered when my friends talk about how much they've changed over the years, and even more so when they repudiate their former selves? I liked them then, and I liked them for positive reasons that haven't gone away, and those characteristics are still what I see when I look at them, so to me they haven't changed much. And they especially have nothing to be ashamed about, with regard to who they were.
So, yeah, change is a good thing, if you want, but if you notice that I might frown a little instead of smile a lot when you tell me how much you've changed, that's why. It's not just nostalgia.
Similarly, I always prided myself on making friends with mature, wholesome people. Not necessarily mature in the same risk-free way that I was/am, but just intelligent and thoughtful. Therefore, isn't it understandable and inoffensive that I'm bothered when my friends talk about how much they've changed over the years, and even more so when they repudiate their former selves? I liked them then, and I liked them for positive reasons that haven't gone away, and those characteristics are still what I see when I look at them, so to me they haven't changed much. And they especially have nothing to be ashamed about, with regard to who they were.
So, yeah, change is a good thing, if you want, but if you notice that I might frown a little instead of smile a lot when you tell me how much you've changed, that's why. It's not just nostalgia.
I am No.#1 (in replying to your journal!)
So, how would you feel about the following statement (perhaps expressed in degrees of frowning or smiling): I feel as though I have changed a great deal since I was an early teenager, and think that most of that change has been for the better. Not to disrespect my former self in any way, but it is naive to think that just because I liked where I was in life then, I can't like myself more now. I don't even know if I like myself more now (I think I do, except for my growing gut)...it's at least even. I do have regrets of course...frankly, I think that it's strange that you have none. Can you think of nothing that you would change if given the chance and the garuantee that said change would be essentially painless? For example, I wish I had learned how to drive better, and actually learned how to play bass. Neither of these things are central to my psyche, I just wish I had done them.
Re: I am No.#1 (in replying to your journal!)
Re: I am No.#1 (in replying to your journal!)
Nah
Re: I am No.#1 (in replying to your journal!)
Yes, I have regrets, by some definitions. But when I think about regrets, I think of two categories: (1) Things I "should" have done differently, given not only my knowledge at the time, but also my mental state, my personality, and so on; all the circumstances. (If I would've been happier if I'd asked the girl out, but if I genuinely didn't like her at the time and it was too late by the time I did, then it's no regret.) (2) Things I did that I really wish I could go back and change, even considering all the consequences and results of the way I did act. (If I did something I "shouldn't" have, but there were positive results or growth experiences from it, then how can I regret it?) And I guess for me to call something a regret, it has to fit both of those, and I just can't think of anything non-trivial for me right now that does.
I guess it's not easy to fault someone for changing and feeling they've done so for the better, since it's not like people were perfect beforehand. But, I guess, the more my friends change, the less likely that I'd agree it was all for the better, since I thought things were pretty good to start out. Though maybe this is just a definition of growing apart?