desh | (no subject)

On my walk to work this morning, I was briefly blocked by a woman in a manual hospital-issue wheelchair about to board a bus. While she was waiting for the bus's ramp to unfold, she apologized and backed up on the sidewalk so I and a guy on a bike could get through. I thanked her and walked between her and the bus and on my way.

About 30 seconds later, I'm not sure why, but I turned back around to look at her. The ramp was unfolded and she was trying to roll up it to the bus. But the ramp was pretty steep, and she was struggling. She tried once, and then twice, to roll up. On her third try, I watched horrified as the back wheels of the chair made it to the ramp, and then the entire chair tipped backwards.

I found myself glad once again that I seem to be immune to the bystander effect. I ripped off my headphones and ran back to the bus. Thankfully, the woman seemed OK. I asked her if she was OK, and then if I could help her up. (I'm not sure where I learned this, but I always ask people, even in situations like this where the task to be done is obvious, if I can help them or touch them. It's a dignity thing.) As I started to help her up, I asked if she could stand, and thankfully she said yes. By this time another gentleman had gotten off the half-full bus, and he and I pulled her up. I asked her if she had hit her head, and she said she hadn't. The driver was off the bus too at this point, and he held the chair while she sat down in it. Then he (without asking) started to push her up the ramp and onto the bus. At this point I figured there wasn't more I could do, and calling 911 didn't seem warranted either, so I left.

I walked down the block, and as I turned the corner a minute later, I noticed that the bus was still sitting at the stop for some reason.

Good morning.

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(I'm not sure where I learned this, but I always ask people, even in situations like this where the task to be done is obvious, if I can help them or touch them. It's a dignity thing.)

With you 100%. There's also always the chance the what you think is the obvious task is complicated by something not so obvious to the observer. Likewise, there's any number of people who prefer self-sufficiency. If it appears someone really needs help, I will ask, because I know several people who'd rather do things on their own, and even some who feel embarrassed having attention drawn to the moments where they might need help.

well done! :D

(I'm not sure where I learned this, but I always ask people, even in situations like this where the task to be done is obvious, if I can help them or touch them. It's a dignity thing.)

It's not a dignity thing, it's a safety thing. If I fall over, while walking or in the chair, it is dangerous for someone to touch me or try to pick me up without me knowing and cooperating; it will almost certainly dislocate something.

It's definitely a good idea to always ask before doing stuff to or for other people. Totally agree with the way you handled that. Way to be a good samaritan! <3

Can we agree that it's both?

Oh, totally, and everyone has different motivations. But people never quite realize the safety aspect of things -- they can probably (if they think hard enough) come up with the dignity explanation, but the safety part doesn't occur naturally to them.

(Now let's talk about using the handicapped stall in bathrooms!)

Mad props. Impressively collected reaction that included recognition of the essential humanity of those around you.

Also... nothing like some Folgers in your cup to wake you up in am, eh? holy cow! When this kind of thing happens to you, does it feel like you're running in high gear the rest of the day or do you calm down afterward?

It's funny. I was realizing over the course of the day yesterday that I was just a tightly-wound ball of anxiety. I went to bed making the deliberate decision to relax today (mostly physically but also mentally) as much as I could. Even put on some soothing music before bed.

Oh well.

I mean, the woman handled it pretty well and didn't seem to be too shaken up, so it didn't stay with me in that way as long as it otherwise would have. But...yeah. Definitely.

Yeah, I'm glad you've mentioned the safety thing to me before, so it's usually in the back of my mind. I wouldn't be surprised if you're a minority in that regard, even among wheelchair users, but that doesn't make it less important. And besides, people not trained as first responders generally don't know what the hell we're doing anyway, so not asking *someone* if what we're doing is OK seems like a bad idea.

Go Desh!

tightly-wound...yeah, i'm quite sure i have no idea what you're talking about there.

that's really great even with anxiety you can just act and not agonize over if you're overreacting or being too pushy or whatever else. speaking of humanity though sometimes things like that, which highlight the frailty of people, really freak me the fuck out. it does happen a lot on busses. people who can barely walk and have some like, mcdonalds uniform on so clearly they're on their feet all day anyhow. i don't think it's pity, but it's just something about like how hard it must be to deal with that (whatever it is). i try not to dwell on it, or ignore those sorts of uncomfortable encounters entirely, but, yeah. can keep you thinking on and off all day.